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About Me

Big Brother 2012 house mate, single Dad, actor, singer, personal trainer, stripper, adult entertainer, public speaker, activist, columnist, presenter and former secondary school teacher. Canadaphile, Francophile, atheist, fighter for freedom and tolerance, real child protection, sexual liberalism, European integration and abolition of the monarchy.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Prescriptive sexualities hinder natural human sexuality

Ever the controversialist, I decided to once again tackle common-held perceptions of sexuality which are oft perpetuated in both ‘hetero’ and ‘homo’ camps.

Yesterday, with the obvious intention of commencing debate, I posted the following comments on Twitter:

One of the biggest enemies to the acceptance of human homosexuality has been the coining of the term ‘homosexuality’.
I understand why some want to identify themselves as ‘gay’, but it is as unnatural as calling yourself ‘straight’.

It didn’t take long for one of my more loyal Twitter followers from Scotland to take me on:

You are one of the wisest men on here, but I couldn’t do anything to a woman. I fell asleep in biology too.

I am not implying that anyone has to be sexual with both sexes, but identifying with A sexuality is unnecessary and unnatural.  

So does this mean you are open to a bit of cock on the right person or am I being crass?

Tis rather crass. It means I don’t feel the need to tell anyone or anything. Its between me and whoever I’m having sex with.   Thing is: If you’re asking, not sure you’ve fully understood my point.

It’s almost betraying ourselves to have any dealings with a women. Tho most of us can French Kiss & do titties.

While that may be how you feel, I don’t think you represent all ‘gay’ men.  Idea of ‘betrayal’ to your sexuality is exactly my point.   I worry that this view is as unhelpful to a real expression of human sexuality as those who denounce homosexuality.  

It’s not just that though, we may have the same childish, romantic memes but it really isn’t going to happen.

 I’m sorry, I’m not sure I entirely understand your point.

But that’s because you are straight, you don’t get put the same process.

I have not grown up ‘straight’. I have not grown up ‘gay’. ‘Gay’ people do not have a monopoly on homosexuality.   I have made conscious effort never to define myself as a sexuality. So have been through my own ‘process’, as we all have.  

No, I am all for hetero/homo respect which you represent but some things you just have to have grown up gay to understand.

No-one ‘grows up gay’. ‘Gay’ is the identity and refuge one finds that is most accepting of the preferences you have.  We all grow up in a heterocentric world and ‘gay’ is only a reaction to this. How we each relate to it is our own process.

OK so what do I term myself in ways the people who might have a mutual want understand?

Why do you need a group of people to understand? Go to a ‘gay’ club, join a ‘gay’ dating site. That is their function, but it is unnecessary to let this be an identity or limit your natural human sexuality even if it means you only ever have gay sex.  
I hate watermelons. But I don’t let my preferences define me or preclude from liking watermelons in the future.  

I don’t but where else am I going to see a male stripper (a rare species in Scotland).

In a gay club. I’m not saying don’t go to ‘gay’ clubs and do things where people who wish to explore their homosexual side go.  Equally, if you’re into swinging, you go to a swingers’ club.  Sharing a preference with like-minded people is absolutely acceptable.

I don’t get this one.

OK.  I like apples and oranges.  I prefer oranges but I like both, as do many people.  Some prefer one or the other.   Is there any point in my life where I’ve ever felt the need to exclaim I am mostly into oranges and allowed it to define me?  
I recognise many people think I am making a mute point, but I actually think its an important one that few people recognise.
I absolutely understand how finding a community that accepts them & shares a preference is helpful to ‘gay’ people in feeling  they belong and are embraced.  However, the perpetuation of the idea of ‘gay’ does not help the wider population and its acceptance of homosexuality as a normal sexual act for anyone to explore.  That ‘gay’ people have added to division in society and taken exclusive ownership of, and monopolised a side of human sexuality which is simply that, just one side of it.  Instead, the identification of an individual as being either ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ has created narrow-mindedness in both camps to the natural human inclination for what is commonly described as ‘bisexuality’. And yet too often those in ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ communities deny its existence.

I also received the following comments on Facebook to my original points:

Your comment sounds rather glib. Do you have the faintest idea what it is like to be a gay person in a heterosexist, hetero-majority world, in which your innate and perfectly natural sexual feelings towards the same sex are still viewed as abhorrent and perverse by many? To know that half the planet (at least) thinks you have no right to exist? To live with the intense shame of a gay identity about which you have no choice? For many, being able to positively identify as gay is part of a long and tortuous journey out of shame, oppression and humiliation. Please don’t belittle it.

To which, I responded:

I understand all of that. This is the result of our society’s oppression of the act of homosexuality. I understand the sense of belonging and the need for acceptance within such a thing as the ‘gay’ community for a people who have felt ostracised and discriminated against for their feelings and preferences. However, this does not make it any more a ‘natural’ thing for a human, a sexual being, to do. I understand the reasons behind it, it does not mean that I accept that it is a natural phenomenon or one that is indeed helpful for the population at large to find acceptance for the act of homosexuality and preopenderence towards homosexuality that can be present in everyone. I understand how the need for humans to identify themselves as ‘gay’ has appeared, but I also recognise the divisiveness this further creates and the monopoly that some within that ‘community’ have over the concept of homosexuality rather than allowing all humans to take ownership over that and every other aspect of their own sexuality.

Once again, its always good to have the debate.  What are your thoughts?  Feel free to leave your comments and opinions too.


  1. Wow...what a multiple life you have got, Sir..

  2. Moot. It's 'moot point' not 'mute point'
    Just FYI
    Other than that, loving you on Big Brother so far. (It's now day 2.) You and Adam are my current favourites.
    Also appreciate and predominantly agree with your well thought out, articulate views. (I gather that Gore Vidal is also reluctant to be defined by his sexuality - So you're in good company IMO)
    Keep up the good work